Just thankful.

Thursday, December 31, 2015

2015. Looking back.

Wednesday, December 30, 2015

This year was probably one of the most difficult yet rewarding years of my young adult life. 

At the beginning of this year I was living in Klamath Falls just starting winter term of my first year of nursing school. 
I was voted in as our chapters Student Nurses Association President. 
I attended the National Student Nurse Association Conference in Portland. 
I learned how to roll sushi and egg rolls, grow wheat grass, juice vegetables, and make shrub with my best friend. 
I participated in OIT's astronomy club and learned more about the stars, moon, and planets than I'd ever learned before. 
I looked through a celestron telescope. 
I attended Kava ceremonies, Hawaiian luaus, International dinners, and Jewish weddings. 
I moved from Klamath Falls to Medford to be closer to my love during his externship. 
I found an apartment at a complex where there was a no vacancy sign hanging on the door. 
I found a job that works with my school schedule. 
By the grace and provision of God I paid off debts that had gone to collections and have managed to make enough money to pay all of my bills on time each month. 
I performed and sang at various events and even was brave enough to sing my own songs at the Southern Oregon Songwriters Association open mic twice. 
I saw two concerts at Britt. 
I saw Count of Monte Cristo at the Shakespeare festival and took a  jet boat ride down the rogue river. 
Ate the best sushi of my life. 
Explored Portland twice with my love. 
Survived the hardest term of my nursing school career. 
I found out how loved I am and how grateful I am that God brought in such lovely people into my life. 

I learned how to trust and not worry (as much). 


Tuesday, December 29, 2015

2016 is for contenment and enjoying the moment. 
2016 is for loving Ryken more and more everyday. 
2016 is for being more environmentally friendly.
2016 will be the year I do a full pull up by myself. 
2016 is for finishing my second year of nursing school. 
2016 is for healthy living. 
2016 is for working as if working for the Lord. Not men. 
2016 is for minimalism and only buying what I need. 
2016 is for praying and war rooms. 
2016 is for growing out my hair. 
2016 is for stretching and movement.
2016 is for drinking lots of water. 
2016 is for writing and writing some more. 
2016 is for adventure. 
2016 is for putting the phone down and connecting. 
2016 is for dreaming bigger. 
2016 is for Nancy Ray's book club reading. 
2016 is for baking, cooking, and creating a cook book of our favorite recipes.
2016 is for chasing hard after God and learning what it means to be a cheerful giver. 
2016 is for writing and lots of music. 


Wednesday, December 9, 2015

If I'm being honest, life is hard.
But it's also wonderful, and strange, and ugly, and beautiful.
It'll make you incandescently happy one day, and the next leave you gasping for air.
Just. Trying. To. Hold. On.

I'm in a season of my life where I am being tested, and pushed, and pulled, and dragged through the growing changes of my life. I am being asked to be a better sister. aunt. daughter. girlfriend. nurse. 

I am being asked to step up to the plate and give my best shot, even on days I don't quite... feel like it.

 I'm learning that feelings come and go and they come on as quickly as they pass. Old hurts heal. Broken hearts are made new. The people who are supposed to be there for you... Show up. And stay.

The people who help you succeed aren't always your flesh and blood. Sometimes it's teachers. Sometimes it's friends. Sometimes it's relationships kindled over giggles and coffee.

Hard work is necessary. Long days are required. Saving every penny is a necessity.

But if I'm being honest, none of this would have been made possible without Him.

The anchor of my soul. My guiding ship. My rock.

He's forgiven me more times than I can count, and He continues to not lose faith in me, even on days I lose faith in myself.

He's given me a love that is better and brighter than I could have ever dreamed.
He's provided for me monthly and has met all my needs. Financial and other wise.
He has given me the strength to continue on days I'd much rather say forget it.

I love Him. I'm not afraid to say it.

Ode to Alcholism

Tuesday, October 6, 2015

The person you see in that bed
Is not the person he's been created to be.
But you judge and you wait 
You wait til it's legally safe to set him free.
You don't know what to do 
So you send him home with me.
But that angry person in the hospital bed 
Is still that angry person with me.
I want to scream
Where's the education, can anybody help? 
But no, you wait.
You wait til he rolls in again
Black and blue from his mistakes. 
Then you punish him
For an illness hard to control. 
You tack the fees on and the jail time 
Digging our family into a hole. 
Assault charges, DUI's
Who goes to jail for missing a light while having an MI?
Alcoholism is an illness that not only effects him 
But you and I.
But until we start viewing it that way, we'll continue to lose lives. 
So before you send him home, 
Think about what you could do 
To end the cycle and stop the abuse. 
Maybe then and only then you'll understand what it's like 
To be on the other side
Of that 0.05. 

A Poem a Day Filled with your Praise.

Wednesday, September 9, 2015

I want to speak the truth that you've written on the tablet of my heart. 

I want to sing a song that praises you. 

That lights up the world when it's dark. 

I don't want to lose sight of the path that you've paved for me. 

Or become absorbed with a world that tells me I'm not worthy. 

I want to sing and not be compared to the girl sitting next to me. 

And use the voice that you've given me to change the world inside of me. 

That I would be filled with gladness.

Not sadness.

That the only song I would sing would be filled with your praises 

And that the world would know... 

You are king. 

My Valentine.

Monday, February 16, 2015

First Year Nursing School. Part I.

Tuesday, February 10, 2015

As someone who has worked in care giving situations sporadically throughout my life, I know that God has placed me where I am supposed to be.

My first few months in nursing school have been an electric whirl wind full of a lot of up's and a few downs. I have learned to administer influenza vaccines, screen children and teenagers for vision impairments, assess children with asthma, and communicate effectively with older adults.

I can also check your vitals and assess your skin, heart, lungs, ADL's, cognition, and more.

Next is medication administration. 

Wish me luck.
(finger's crossed.)

But the skill side is not why I am in love with nursing. Of course it's fun to be able to give a TB or be able to listen to heart and lung sounds. (Not to mention vastly important.)

 But it's not why I'm in love with nursing.

No, no, no. 
Moments with real, raw, and vulnerable people make me excited to be a nurse. 

The only religion I want.

Sunday, February 8, 2015

"Like the pharisees, we are quick to passionately debate our lists of do’s and don’ts, and slow to enter into the redemptive work Jesus has charged us with."

This girl has got it right. I want to be the kind of Christian that doesn't debate silly topics. I want to be the kind of Christian that preaches good news to the poor, who helps to bind the broken hearted, who speaks freedom to the captives
and release from darkness for the
prisoners. Someone called to be an oak of righteousness for the Lord. I want beauty instead of ashes. I want the oil of gladness instead of mourning. I want a garment of praise, not a spirit of despair. 
I want to use the gifts I've been given to help the poor. The only religion I want is the kind that extends itself to the orphans and the widows in their distress. The kind that keeps itself separate from the world.

Read this:


Saturday, February 7, 2015


Fell for this guy September 24, 2014


Saturday, February 7, 2015

I am over half way done with my first year of nursing school. 

That's crazy. 

I've also been living without a car for almost over month. 

That's a good story.
(And a lot of walking.)

And there are some things that I've learned this past year that I need to get off my heart. 

In 2014

I learned that I have the capacity to really and truly love. 
I also learned that I am stronger than I think I am 
(That's God.)

I learned that the words left unsaid can hurt more than the words that are 
not everyone will choose to go on the journey with you. 
(And that's okay.)

I learned that I have the ability to move somewhere by myself 
and take a leap of faith on a dream I've always had. 
(That's beautiful.)

I learned that life gives you the friends you need when you need them and that it can 
give you an unexpected surprise in the shape of 
a dark haired boy in love with the stars.
(That's my favorite.)

I learned that when you're down to nothing, you should give the last of what you have to give and ask God to take care of the rest. 
(That's scary.)
(That's faith.)

In 2015. 

I'm happy and I know I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be.

That's grace.

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